


Pretending

by evetessmacher



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Dorks in Love, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Feels, KaraMel, Love, Minor Winn Schott Jr, Post Season 3, Reunions, SuperValor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-22
Updated: 2019-01-22
Packaged: 2019-10-14 14:47:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17510639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evetessmacher/pseuds/evetessmacher
Summary: Ever since Mon-El decided to stay, both of them don't know how to act around each other,and pretending is slowly killing them.





	Pretending

There was only so much she could handle, even as a superhero; the past year was tough, to say the least, her skin got thicker, her heart more fragile yet it had endured so much, it was now covered in steel, hard like Kara’s flesh. She could fight millions of enemies, get punched and kicked everyday, be exposed to kryptonite and other venoms, be tricked by illusions and strange dreamlike states, but this?

She didn’t know how to handle this. 

Mon-El. 

She didn’t know what to do, how to talk to him, how to continue this farce, everything was far from okay but she had to keep her mask on. She felt so comfortable with him, yet she couldn’t stand being in the same room as him for more than a certain amount of time; his presence was deteriorating her inside. 

Sometimes, Kara wished that Mon-El just left once more, though she knew she couldn’t live without him, not again. She tried to understand those longing, often nostalgic and sad looks, she tried to understand the way his voice changed whenever he spoke to her, she tried to figure out what was really going on in his mind, when he smiled, when he laughed, when he sighed; it all looked so familiar she was afraid to read every sign the wrong way. 

“He’s not the same Mon-El you fell in love with.” A voice inside of Kara’s brain tried to whisper, “But I got to know him again this year.” Her heart tried to respond, “No, it’s all fake, you’ve fallen for his memory, you’re not in love with him. You don’t even know him.” The ugly, ominous voice got too much to her, Kara had started to believe it was the truth. 

Mon-El lived at the DEO again, but according to what Alex had said, he barely slept. He spent a lot of time sitting by himself in the conference room or just looking outside of the balcony, sometimes also flying over the city, just like Kara did: Mon-El looked lonely and disconnected, pensive and observing, looking at the cityscapes that surrounded him. Kara wished she could have hugged him, but maybe it wasn’t what he wanted, she wasn’t what he wanted.. maybe he wanted to go back to the 31st century. 

All she could do, was speak to him and try to have a small talk. It was exhausting to not know what he was thinking, she could only see his exterior, almost afraid to show any emotion: those days were she could understand him with just one look seemed so far away.

Kara had started to accept it, Mon-El was just.. a colleague: they were good partners on the battlefield and constantly learned from each other as heroes, but once that those suits were taken off, they were just friends. Yes. They were friends. Or at least, Kara was trying to convince herself they were: she had more practice in this game, she had already repeated that when he was still with Imra, but now the level got a little harder. 

Still, they weren’t strangers, if she called Mon-El and asked for his help, she was sure he would’ve given it to her. But maybe she was lying to herself again: maybe that’s why she was so distant from him and he didn’t try to do anything about it.. perhaps he didn’t care anymore. He fell out of love years and years ago, why should he care about her? 

It was obvious that Mon-El was looking for a new beginning in the 21st century, the 31st century was still his home, though: it’s not like he stayed.. for her. That was the truth, and once she swallowed this bitter pill, it was easier to pretend that they had no history. She could force herself to reset everything and start all over, just like Mon-El had done.

She was left alone with her thoughts, sitting on a chair in the conference room, her stare was blank and lost, until someone knocked on the door. “This place has never been so quiet. You’ve been awfully quiet.” Winn entered the room and sat next to her. 

“Hey.. Have I?”

“Yep.” 

“Oh, I… didn’t notice. I guess I’ve been too focused on work.”

“Kara, please.. there hasn’t been any significant job to do in here for over a week now, and from what James has told me, nothing exciting happened at CatCo either. You know why you’ve been so.. lost.” 

“And why is that?” 

Winn looked somewhere outside of the door, “You both look miserable. You and Mon-El, I mean.” 

“What?”

“He’s been officially back here for a month now, what are you doing? Why are you barely talking to him?” 

“I do talk to him!” 

“Outside of superheroing business? Not so much.”

“How would you know?”

“Because he’s terrified to open up, just like you. You’re scared to be together in the same room for more than five minutes. He’s always looking at his Legion ri-” 

“He misses the 31st century.” 

“And his necklace. Your necklace. Don’t tell me you didn’t notice.” 

Kara’s eyes opened widely, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

“He misses you, being with you.. and you won’t even let him come close to you. Look, I know you’re scared of being hurt too.. but I know he’s in pain as much as you are. I didn’t ask him, but it’s clear to see.”

She swallowed, half of her wanted to deny this, but the other half wanted to jump in his arms and console him: had she been so foolish to preserve her heart from breaking that she forgot about the one beating one room away? Winn got up from his seat and gave Kara a pat on the shoulder, “He’s on the balcony, but I think he’ll fly over the city in a few minutes. He looks very moody today.” 

“Thank you, Winn.” She nodded: it was time to take the matter in her hands, even if she still didn’t know how to take care of it. 

* * *

“So, how are you?”

“What?” 

“I just asked how are you?”

“Why are you asking?” His arms rested on the balcony, his eyes avoided hers. 

“We’re friends.” 

“No. We’re not friends.” 

“What are you talking about?” 

Mon-El finally turned around, clearing his throat: “If we were friends, you’d invite me to game night with everyone else, you’d ask for my opinion on your new shirt, you’d text me, you would suggest new books and send me articles that interested you. You would call me and ask me if I wanted to see a new movie at the cinema, you would complain to me about how terribly dry your job as a journalist is right now and we would laugh about it while making popcorn, you would laugh with me about some of Winn’s ridiculous sweaters, you would joke and pretend to be mad when I joke about you. We’re not friends. And you know that.”

“Stop it. Stop it, now.” She inhaled deeply, a burning fire started inside of her, she couldn’t suppress it anymore, “I can’t invite you over my place because everything reminds me of last year, when you were with me and I was happy, for once. I don’t want to know your opinion on my clothes, or books, or movies because you would probably say something nice and I would lie to myself saying that you’re still in love with me and everything is back to normal. How am I supposed to ask you to go out with me without having constant flashbacks to our dates? Gosh, I used to be so happy with you. I can’t pretend, I can’t pretend this is my normal routine when I know you’re a few steps away. You carved yourself a space into my life, but now it’s just a hole full of rubble. I pretend you’re not here. I pretend you’re just a shadow, a memory. Because if I told myself that you’re so close to me, I would stop breathing and thinking clearly.” 

Kara looked up into Mon-el’s eyes, full of lust, anger, love, sadness, tiredness: he was dangerously close.

“We’re not friends.” He took a breath from her lips. They weren’t friends. They weren’t just friends. They weren’t just lovers. They were two souls, destined to mend each other and blend into one another. 

“Do you even want to be my friend?” 

“You’re the one who can’t even keep a conversation with me.” Mon-El laughed bitterly, ”Of course I want to, I want to be part of your life, I will always want you to be a part of mine.” His tone got sadder as his sentence ended, a sad sigh made her eyes soften: Kara slowly realised how damaged both of them were inside. 

“Alex told me you barely sleep and you’re always wandering around here at the DEO, from the conference room to here and then you fly away. I used to do the same, when you were gone. I know you’re in your own bubble and don’t want to hear anything from anyone, but listen to me at least: everyone is worried about you, I am worried, too. I’m sorry I haven’t done enough to help you, but I want you to feel alright. I’ve been so busy curing my wounds that I didn’t realise that you had way more than I did. Do you want to come to my place and spend a nice night in?” 

Mon-El’s eyes lit up, a soft smile on his face.

“We could watch a movie, we could take some Chinese food, or cook, if you want to.. What do you think?” Kara continued with a new, sweet voice.

“I would love that. But I’m the one cooking.” 

“Deal.”

“What do you wanna eat? I’ll go grocery shopping with Winn today to pick everything up.” 

“Anything you want, really.” 

He nodded, walking away: “I’ll see you tonight, then. 8?”

“Sure.” They looked happy, for once. When the time came, Kara was extremely nervous, overthinking the scenarios that varied from disastrous to wonderful: in the end she told herself that everything would have flowed naturally, they would’ve been comfortable with each other and maybe the night would’ve ended up surprisingly well. 

Mon-El arrived perfectly on time, his arms carrying a bunch of paper bags, his smile brighter than ever; “Hi!” 

“Hi! So what did you buy?”

“It’s a surprise.. did you pick the movie?” In the moment he stepped inside, it was like both of them had traveled back in time or were in a dream, everything looked so normal.. her place didn’t look empty anymore.

“Yeah, it’s a comedy that came out last year but I couldn’t get to watch it at the movies, but it’s already on Netflix luckily.” 

“Ooh, perfect. I’m gonna start working at the stove.”

“Need any help?” The night went on and they just grew more comfortable with each other, any sort of awkwardness was gone, sometimes she would even lean into his shoulders and Mon-El would welcome her with a content sigh; what were they doing? Sparks were flying around them, their sadness had left and both of them realised how much they needed a night like this, to be with each other like this. After the movie was over, Kara asked Mon-El if he wanted to help her clean the dishes: it was just another excuse to spend more time with him, she didn’t want the magic of that night to disappear, Kara was afraid that in the moment he would’ve walked outside of her door, everything would’ve gone back to how it was a few hours before. They didn’t dare to say a word until they were done, both thinking about what was coming next. Suddenly, Mon-El turned around and grabbed Kara’s hands into his: “I am not okay.”

He looked into her eyes and then slowly lowered his gaze down her pink lips. “You asked how I was earlier, here’s your answer.” 

“Why?” She did the same thing, ending with a lip bite. 

“Because I can’t stand being so far from you, I can’t stand knowing you’re so close and broken as I am and if I don’t kiss you right now, I might go out of my mind.” 

“Then what are you waiting for?”

“I wanna hear it from you. No more tiptoeing around.” 

“You want me to ask you to kiss me?” Kara was playing with him and Mon-El knew it, he hated it but loved it at the same time. 

They finally smirked at each other. “Mh-mh.” 

“Why?”

“Your lips are so inviting.” 

“Kiss me.”

Mon-El smiled and picked Kara up in his arms; if their kiss could’ve talked, it would’ve said a single word: ‘finally.’ Once they drifted apart to breathe, Mon-El lay Kara down on the bed: for a moment, they rested their foreheads together and he moved her hair from her neck kissing it gently. They looked into each other’s eyes, a whisper escaped Kara’s mouth before meeting his lips again, “Don’t let me go.”

“I won’t.” The honesty in his voice was reassuring enough to believe those two words: she trusted Mon-El and knew that, whatever threat would’ve arrived next, their love was stronger than that. It was something bigger and stronger than they were, it couldn’t be described, it simply was their destiny: they were soulmates, they were made to find each other, always, through space and time.

 

** End. **

**Author's Note:**

> [An older work that was originally posted on Tumblr]
> 
> Twitter : @evetessmacher
> 
> Tumblr : Iminyourhandskara
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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